If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

Isn't it scary that the person who invests all your money is called a "broker"?

Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.

What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED! Apparently, YOU told Santa that you have been GOOD this year, and he died laughing.

Forget the health foods. I need all the preservatives I can get.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

Alcohol should be served in Capri Sun pouches. When you can no longer get the straw in the hole, you've had enough.

Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines everywhere!

Everyone says money talks. Unfortunately, all mine ever says is "goodbye".

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.

Don't be irreplaceable because if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Because breasts don’t have eyes.

Read through the label of ingredients of your food and then you understand why it’s important to pray before you eat.